For many of us grief comes unexpectedly. Despite being a natural emotion, we may not always know how to cope or even how to help those around us cope – it is a subject often shrouded in taboo. For this reason, every year from December 2nd to the 8th, The Good Grief Trust observes Grief Awareness Week, a campaign aiming to raise awareness about grief, loss and encourage open conversations. This year is dedicated to the theme of “Growing with Greif” which emphasises the often-forgotten fact that we can also grow whilst healing from a loss of a loved one; it often aids the process. Here are five active healing techniques you can practice to grow with grief.
1) Allow Yourself to Acknowledge the pain
Allowing your grief to be acknowledged and recognised, gives space for it to be properly supported. One way to do this is by expressing the pain and articulating your feelings. Speaking them aloud to yourself or to someone you trust can make them feel real and offer release, rather than sweeping them under the rug, which only worsens your sorrow. Acknowledging your feelings openly, also helps with acceptance of the situation, which prevents grief from prolonging.
Whether intentional or not, you may encounter those who dismiss your feelings with phrases such as “it’s time to move on”. This may come from a place of misunderstanding or lack of experience, but it is important to remind yourself that their words don’t determine how you should feel. Everyone grieves at their own pace. Surround yourself with empathetic listeners and choose presence over shallow platitudes.
Acknowledging your feelings doesn’t equate to succumbing to them or allowing them to control your actions. Rather, acknowledging your feelings without a self-deprecating lens, allows you to honestly understand them and where they come from. It provides introspection, emotional clarity and reinforces the fact that they are a result of a circumstance that can be overcome. Allowing yourself to feel and asking yourself why you feel is something you valuable to practice outside of grief – before and after. It will allow you to be in tune with yourself and help you to recognise patterns in your behaviour. Just because your feelings are intangible, doesn’t mean they are inconsequential. They are real and should be dealt with as such.
2) Practice Journaling
Similarly, journaling can be a vehicle for introspection and emotional clarity, by means of confronting how you feel. The difference is that journaling is much more personal, in that it can provide an emotional record. For many, grief is a long process, and we can often feel like we’re not making any progress. A journal is hard evidence of that progress. You may not know it in the moment but reading back what you wrote a month ago or as little as a week ago can remind you how far you’ve come.
Journaling also provides you emotional release when nobody else is around and seeing your thoughts on paper can help to them. If you find yourself ruminating over thoughts that don’t seem to leave, whether rational or not, writing it in a journal helps to alleviate the intensity of those thoughts. However, don’t only journal when you feel intense negative emotion, as you may begin to associate journaling with negative emotion. You can even come back to what you have written and view the situation and/or emotions from a more objective standpoint. Pennebaker’s theory also supports the idea that writing about stressful or traumatic experiences can positively impact your mental and physical wellbeing long term.
Journaling for the first time in a while or ever may seem daunting, and it is easy to get stuck. The key is to start small. Begin by writing just what you need to get off your chest, even if it’s just “today I feel…” and writing a sentence or two. With anything, the more you practice, the easier it becomes.
3) Join a Support Group
Grief isn’t something we should bare alone. Whilst some of us may have family and friends we can rely on, they may not understand what we are going through at the time, which can feel isolating. Grief support groups are meant to be a safe space where people suffering bereavement can come together and feel less alone.
There are many benefits. Surrounding yourself with other who share a similar experience is extremely powerful and can offer perspective for how to handle your own grief. They also provide a safe space without judgement or pressure to put on a brave face. Support groups can also provide community, which can improve your wellbeing during this difficult time. Organisation such as Sue Ryder and The Good Grief Trust provide bereavement support services, but you can also reach out to your GP for help.
4) Physical Activity
For many people living with grief, exercise is the last thing on their minds. However, moving your body in any way is valuable tool for adapting to loss. Physical activity releases stress relieving chemicals like serotonin and endorphins that make us feel – this includes little things like taking a walk.
It isn’t uncommon for depression to arise as a symptom of grief, a 2017 study shows that consistent exercise plays a significant role in preventing depression. Exercise can give you a sense of control, something that may be affected or lost after someone close passes away. Problems with sleep are also common with bereavement, which in turn fast-tracks other mental and physical health problems, such as heart disease and obesity. Exercise can improve sleep quality, helping to mitigate these factors.
If you find that you lack the capacity for high intensity exercise, yoga is another equally valuable option which can also help to ease you into exercise over time. During states on anxiety intense negative emotion, yoga can ground us, make us present and relieve stress. Furthermore, yoga can be practiced from the comfort of your bedroom when leaving the house feels daunting.
Grief in any capacity isn’t easy, but as we become more open on the subject, the lighter the weight is to bare. To learn more about Grief Awareness Week and how you can manage grief, The Good Grief Trust has many resources on offer. Or if you’re looking to do the best for your loved one before they pass, you can learn about SweetTree’s end of life care service.